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  1. Yelling
    #1
    In here we hammer out the details of GP Political Party of NZ.



    Party History: The Gameplanet Party, a predominantly right leaning conservative establishment, formed on the 1st of February 2011, was the culmination of a handful of idealistic, likeminded individuals who congregated regularly on the internet discussion forum Gameplanet. The common philosophy of the founding fathers was of strong conservative liberalism where they championed causes like the fair use movement relating to sharing and distribution of copyrighted material on the internet and liberalisation of recreational drugs such as cannabis where they garnered great support by using the song "Dub step" as the focal point of their campaign. These were at the time avant-garde concerns dominating the political vista. They also tempered these audacious expeditions into previously virgin political territory with more conservative stratagem regarding womens rights
    (resulting in the infamous "Have a Hoon" policy) and complex and contentious issues with respect to the buyback of land from indigenous peoples where one member of the party was famously quoted as saying "Negotiations over, bitches!".

    Party Members and Relative Portfolios:

    ACC - Cakky
    *Got a few ideas to cut out all the slack ass mofos sitting on their couch at home with nothing wrong. Will be forced to physically prove an injury and if found to not be injured can distribute them amongst various other ministries to be used in any way they wish, could be helping the MOT build roads or be tested upon by the Ministry of Science and Technology. This will have flow on effects with us being able to reduce the ridiculous ACC tarriffs on everything mainly licensing thus everyone will be able to afford uber awesome cars. All homeopathic remedies will be completely outlawed bar marijuana which will be freely available thanks to our new Ministy of Forestry legislation. Anyone who cannot cure themselves by smoking marijuana will be deemed to be excessively sick and a drain on our current economy and will be passed on to any willing Ministries for research or given to our Defence Force for target practise. (lol)*
    Agriculture - fatbat
    Arts Culture and Heritage - te_chris
    Attorney-General - Quasi ELVIS
    Biosecurity - Leftfoot
    * Compulsory sponge baths upon entry or re-entry into the country to remove any foreign contaminants one may have picked up outside of our shores. These will be provided by the most professional of nurses. Weekly meetings to be held with the Minister of Women's Affairs so the "right" applicants are selected for the role of Sponge Bath Nurses.
    A section of White Island, in close vicinity to one of the vents, will used as a quarantine station for any person determined to have any form of AIDS.
    As "female ugly" is a highly contagious disease I will be working with the Immigration Minister to have the visa applications amended so that all female applicants have to have their photo's severely scrutinised on a scale of one to ten as to whether their application is approved. As the male variant of the disease is not contagious it will be my recommendation that we keep the proportion of beautiful to ugly by only allowing those men afflicted with the ugly disease into the country.
    National Pest Management will include the shoot on sight for possums. This will be extended to all Australians to make sure that complete coverage is achieved.
    Regional Pest Management will include the newly founded application for internal visa's so that the public in the cities or towns of Huntly, Levin, Gore, Palmerston North and Paraparaumu will not contaminate the gene pool. Other cities and town may be added at later dates upon investigation. Party Members will be exempt from this application process.
    All confirmed cases of the "Troll" disease will be quarantined on the Chatham Islands with only a local Intranet built specifically for research purposes to see if there is any other suitable method of cure other than the current one in the form of a bullet to the brain stem. Party Members will be excluded from becoming research candidates however will be closely scrutinized in quarterly reviews.*

    Broadcasting - voy1dnz (Formerly MURRAYMANMATE)
    *-Require that Sky TV develop a proper CDN for delivery of content over the internet (as provided through the Ministry of Science and Innovation.)
    Require that Sky TV sell their Internet platform (lol IskY) seperately to the satellite feed
    Require that Sky TV allow users to choose which channels they want at a cost of $5 per month
    Any restrucuting of Sky's channels are approved by the Prime Minister and Broadcasting Minister
    Lingerie Football is Free To Air (in HD)
    Fashion TV Channel is Free To Air (in HD)
    Shortland Street has its funding withdrawn with immediate effect
    Reality TV shows have their funding withdrawn with immediate effect (with exception of Corrections proposed "Survivor Stewart Island" and "Deathrace" events which gain all the funding from other Reality TV Shows and Shortland Street)
    Require that News agencies report the facts, sensationalism is banned
    Ban Fairfax from operating in NZ

    Building and Construction - AirSalad (Formerly trackers)
    *-Use asbestos whenever possible (Including ventilation)
    -Everything must be covered with a minimum of 0.1mm of lead paint (Including curtains)
    -If its broken, use superglue. If it is still broken, hit it with a hammer till the problem is solved.
    -Exposed wires will allow easy repair work for future cases.
    -Allow residential/commercial buildings on top of active volcanoes.*

    Civil Defence - Steppenwolf
    *Every man for himself, looters shot on sight.*
    Climate Change Issues
    Commerce - Naykd
    *-Promoting and assisting international trade with countries like China, India and Brazil where businesses here can outsource raw/secondary materials for cheap bucks, do some processing if required, then they export the finished products to Australia and earn large gross margins. "We win, everyone else loses!"
    -Remove green tax from ALL fuel - this will cut fuel prices by a significant margin. Kyoto can GTFO
    -Promoting and rebuild business growth in Christchurch - will work with Mr. |_emon on this one
    -Promoting migrations to the oil and gas rich city of New Plymouth as in the future this will become NZ's very own 'Abu Dhabi'*

    Communications and Information Technology - MURRAYMANMATE
    Community and Voluntary Sector
    Conservation
    Consumer Affairs
    Corrections - Brennos
    *I propose we fence off a rather larger island, like Stewart island for instance, and add some security in boats around it (and some frikken sharks with laser beams). Add 10,000 Cameras around the island, arm the prisoners with knives, tasers, brass knuckes, and shotguns, and charge like "pay per view" to watch " Survivor Stewart Island". And once a month/quarter/year, when the population stops thinning/gets out of hand, hold a "Deathrace" style event, where the winner gets a free pass to some Convict country, like Australia or something. We could then turn the existing prisons into low cost housing for migrant workers we import to build some bad ass roads that Mettler approves.*
    Courts - fatesjester
    *My main policy that i will be pushing is too make every judge a highly paid white man from a well respected family. This will ensure that all cases are fair, especially to the hard working folks of this land.
    Tightening up the court system will be a major issue, and the excuse of "I was just having a hoon" is no longer good enough for rape, because all know bitches be crazy, and you shouldnt of gone near that ram whore.*

    Customs - Stevie
    Defence - Scatter_D
    Disability Issues
    Disarmament and Arms Control
    *Guns For Everybody*
    *Unless you're DickCheese.*

    Economic Development - SempY!
    Education - aeth0r
    *- bring back the strap/whip/baton/axe/whatever teacher feels comfortable wielding. encourage use as teaching aid.
    - introduce pack beatings for the worst behaved students. weapons encouraged.
    - encourage use of humiliation tactics. dunce hat. forced to shit pants etc.
    - all course content must have a proven practical application (such as shooting, ****ing, fighting, racing, drug taking etc)
    - no bullshit rubbish food to be sold at schools. students caught eating rubbish food to be dealt with by pack beating squad (see pack beatings)
    - short skirts mandatory
    - no holidays L2RL you little shits
    - labour camps for dumb/lazy students*

    Energy and Resources - Perfect_V
    Environment - TEDcomms
    *As the modern world develops, climate has reached a point where countries struggle to sustain themselves under the pressure of natural disaster and food shortages. Unfortunately, there is not much we can do against a natural disaster of biblical proportions, rather we can only increase the survivability chances of 'kiwis' after the event. Thus i propose to the immigration minister that;
    - Almost all immigration be ceased immediately. New needs to keep it natural resources (food, water etc) for itself, and be able to provide for its citizens in the time of need, without holding the hands of foreigners.
    On top of strict immigration, we need to;
    - heavily fund the installation of solar panels onto everyones homes. decreasing the need to rely on state owned power stations.
    - enforce a petrol restriction to those who are on the benefit. Use them to plant native trees all around NZ. Forced labor etc.
    - Annex all land, owned by foreigners who live outside NZ, so long as the land lies outside of a city's limits. All land will be sold to citizens of NZ or returned to a natural state of NZ bush.
    - fund a branch of the navy the actively hunts all foreign fishing vessels that come within 1000km of NZ, or anywhere between NZ and Scott base in Antarctica. This will ensure NZ always has a good supply of fish.*

    Ethnic Affairs - Happy Campa
    Finance - Quasi ELVIS
    Fisheries and Aquaculture
    Food Safety - Bronzie
    *I'd start by implementing a 3+ meats a day educational programme through out all primary schools as a means of education about food health and safety, how will our children cope without their daily intake of bacon, steak and hotdogs? Brocolli, Brussel sprouts, Cabbage and any other leafy greens will only be available to those with a prescription from a qualified doctor or a note from Mum. (Note: This excludes lettuce, mushrooms, tomato and anything else found on a burger, pizza or sandwich)*
    Foreign Affairs - Galent
    Forestry - Jezza
    *"Plant these seeds EVERYWHERE"
    "What are they?"
    "Don't you worry about that..."
    BREAKING NEWS: MARIJUANA PLANTS SPROUTING UP ALL OVER NEW ZEALAND*

    Health - Mettler
    Housing
    Immigration - T1nman (Formerly Jezza - need to keep those hot chicks coming in brah)
    *- Immigrants of Asian Heritage shall be subjected to a strict Motor Vehicle test before they are to step out of the airport. Assistance from the Transport Minister will be required.
    -All Immigrants being received from South America will be throughly Inspected. Any contraband found on their person will be confiscated and be divided up between all Heads of Government for "research" purposes.
    -Mexican Immigrants will only be allowed in after their gardening skills have been proven to be satisfactory. They must live within 1km of the nearest hardware store parking lot aka place of work.
    -All Australian Immigrants will receive a face tattoo of the 1981 Cricket Underarm Incident upon arrival. These tattoos will also signify that they are second class citizens.*

    Infrastructure - MoxPearl
    Internal Affairs - MURRAYMANMATE
    Justice - -[Prometheus]-
    *- In the Sentencing Act, I will replace the word maximum with minimum. Boy racers will now face a minimum of 5 years jail.
    - Not going to build new jails, just pack the buggers into the current ones. Hopefully fighting and rioting will reduce population by @30% per year
    - Compulsory imprisonment for Greens Party membership*

    Labour
    Land Information
    Local Government - te_chris
    Maori Affairs - Spaniard
    Pacific Island Affairs
    Police - bluelight
    Racing - Autorennen
    Regulatory Reform
    Ministry of Science and Innovation
    Revenue - bluelight
    Senior Citizens - Shi Tappens
    ** Senior Citizens will have their drivers licences revoked and be required to travel by mobility scooter, bus, train or ferry.
    * Senior Citizens will be required to have their wallets open BEFORE the checkout chick totes up the bill at the supermarket. They will be prohibited from paying with exact change and banned from using coupons.
    * Senior Citizens will be prohibited from calling anyone "dear".
    * Senior Citizens will be banned from demanding kisses from the grandchildren and buying shitty presents.
    *Senior Citizens will be required to walk faster in public places and they will be prohibited from bending down to pickup that ten cent piece they've seen lying on the footpath.
    * Senior Citizens will be banned from talkback radio and may not express their opinion at any time unless it is to agree with Government policy.
    * Senior Citizens requiring mobility scooters will be required to bling them up and fit a turbo. These scooters must be certified and must not be driven after 10pm or with passengers.*

    Social Development and Employment - Lego
    *Deny any new/additional DPB funding if a parent to a newborn child has been on the unemployment benefit or DPB full time for more than a year directly before the child was born. WINZ card replaces cash- if a store sells alcohol or cigarettes to anyone who presents this card they risk being issued with a fine. There will be some less excise tax revenue, sure, but I don't think it would have any noticable impact on the total tax recieved by the government.
    No idea how to deal with the baby boomers, the only thing I can come up with is to raise the retirement age by a year, but I think that would be too unpopular. Don't want to incite yet another leftist riot :\
    However, Kiwisaver will help a little with the costs of new retirees so its not as expensive as it could be.*

    Sport and Recreation - Therk
    *When I am elected Sport and Recreation minister I promise to ban all shitty, boring sports like cricket and promote all awesome sports like football. Every city over the population of 50,000 will be required to have a professional football club. Anybody playing cricket will be shot on sight and the family will be sent a bill for the bullet and manpower used to dispose of their family member. Individuals playing rugby will be tolerated.*
    In addition to that I promise to have my deputy establish a plan to make that pit they call one tree hill into a park.
    Finally all individuals under the age of 18 will also be required to take a compulsary 6 month course on the Swanson pyramid of greatness.*

    State Owned Enterprises - Gromlin
    State Services
    Statistics - bluelight
    Tertiary Education
    Tourism - Rebound
    Trade - Galent
    Transport - Mettler (Formerly heads_up)
    Treaty of Waitangi Negotiations - trackers
    Veterans' Affairs - Afgan Monster
    *As veterans affairs minister I will introduce pensions such that persons exiting the military(after 10 years of service) and other Departments such as SIS have ample pension to support them in their future endeavours tax-free. They will also get what will get a discount card of awesome. ANZAC day will be elevated in status with police cracking down Anti-war protesting on the day of rememberance. I intend raise the profile of the services that return them to the respect level of WW2-era. Oh and women have to flash tits whenever a servicemen requests!*
    Women's Affairs - Phaxy (Formerly Ramza)
    *Bitches be crazy son.*
    Youth Affairs - Thebuffone
    *Flavs*

    Other Responsibilities:

    Archives New Zealand
    Canterbury Earthquake Recovery |_emon
    *- Formation of a prostitute/sex workers union
    - collective bargaining power used to ensure adequate time taken from work to engage in building projects.
    - A "Trade methamphetamine for building supplies" program
    - Inter-disciplinary approach with the Courts, Justice and Law Commission to institute an effective convict labour program.*

    Education Review Office
    Government Communications Security Bureau
    International Climate Change Negotiations TEDcomms (Director)
    Law Commission - Quasi ELVIS (Chairman)
    Ministerial Services
    National Library
    New Zealand Security Intelligence Service - Merovin (Director)
    Rugby World Cup - BrockaLee (Director)
    Small Business
    Whanau Ora
    John D. Rockefeller award for philanthropic wanks

  2. Post
    #2
    first we need an awesome political sounding name that uses the Acronym GPOD

  3. Post
    #3
    GPODEMONSTRATION.

  4. Post
    #4
    Greedy Politicians On Drugs? No?

  5. Post
    #5
    Scatter_D wrote:
    for moar lulz.
    yeah bro totally serious lets do this

  6. Post
    #6
    $kud wrote:
    first we need an awesome political sounding name that uses the Acronym GPOD
    Second we need a common enemy! Like Dickcheese, for example

  7. Post
    #7
    I take this thread seriously

  8. Post
    #8
    Start Shotgunning portfolios... I will have Maori Affairs for the lolz...

    Index of Portfolios:

    ACC
    Agriculture
    Arts Culture and Heritage
    Attorney-General
    Biosecurity
    Broadcasting
    Building and Construction
    Civil Defence
    Climate Change Issues
    Commerce
    Communications and Information Technology
    Community and Voluntary Sector
    Conservation
    Consumer Affairs
    Corrections
    Courts
    Customs
    Defence
    Disability Issues
    Disarmament and Arms Control
    Economic Development
    Education
    Energy and Resources
    Environment
    Ethnic Affairs
    Finance
    Fisheries and Aquaculture
    Food Safety
    Foreign Affairs
    Forestry
    Health
    Housing
    Immigration
    Infrastructure
    Internal Affairs
    Justice
    Labour
    Land Information
    Local Government
    Maori Affairs
    Pacific Island Affairs
    Police
    Racing
    Regulatory Reform
    Research, Science and Technology
    Revenue
    Senior Citizens
    Social Development and Employment
    Sport and Recreation
    State Owned Enterprises
    State Services
    Statistics
    Tertiary Education
    Tourism
    Trade
    Transport
    Treaty of Waitangi Negotiations
    Veterans' Affairs
    Women's Affairs
    Youth Affairs

    Other Responsibilities:

    Archives New Zealand
    Canterbury Earthquake Recovery
    Education Review Office
    Government Communications Security Bureau
    International Climate Change Negotiations
    Law Commission
    Ministerial Services
    National Library
    New Zealand Security Intelligence Service
    Rugby World Cup
    Small Business
    Whanau Ora

  9. Post
    #9
    Party History: The Gameplanet Party, a predominantly right leaning conservative establishment, formed on the 1st of February 2011, was the culmination of a handful of idealistic, likeminded individuals who congregated regularly on the internet discussion forum Gameplanet. The common philosophy of the founding fathers was of strong conservative liberalism where they championed causes like the fair use movement relating to sharing and distribution of copyrighted material on the internet and liberalisation of recreational drugs such as cannabis where they garnered great support by using the song "Dub step" as the focal point of their campaign. These were at the time avant-garde concerns dominating the political vista. They also tempered these audacious expeditions into previously virgin political territory with more conservative stratagem regarding womens rights
    (resulting in the infamous "Have a Hoon" policy) and complex and contentious issues with respect to the buyback of land from indigenous peoples where one member of the party was famously quoted as saying "Negotiations over, bitches!".

    Party Members and Relative Portfolios:

    ACC - Cakky
    *Got a few ideas to cut out all the slack ass mofos sitting on their couch at home with nothing wrong. Will be forced to physically prove an injury and if found to not be injured can distribute them amongst various other ministries to be used in any way they wish, could be helping the MOT build roads or be tested upon by the Ministry of Science and Technology. This will have flow on effects with us being able to reduce the ridiculous ACC tarriffs on everything mainly licensing thus everyone will be able to afford uber awesome cars. All homeopathic remedies will be completely outlawed bar marijuana which will be freely available thanks to our new Ministy of Forestry legislation. Anyone who cannot cure themselves by smoking marijuana will be deemed to be excessively sick and a drain on our current economy and will be passed on to any willing Ministries for research or given to our Defence Force for target practise. (lol)*
    Agriculture - fatbat
    Arts Culture and Heritage - te_chris
    Attorney-General - Quasi ELVIS
    Biosecurity - Leftfoot
    * Compulsory sponge baths upon entry or re-entry into the country to remove any foreign contaminants one may have picked up outside of our shores. These will be provided by the most professional of nurses. Weekly meetings to be held with the Minister of Women's Affairs so the "right" applicants are selected for the role of Sponge Bath Nurses.
    A section of White Island, in close vicinity to one of the vents, will used as a quarantine station for any person determined to have any form of AIDS.
    As "female ugly" is a highly contagious disease I will be working with the Immigration Minister to have the visa applications amended so that all female applicants have to have their photo's severely scrutinised on a scale of one to ten as to whether their application is approved. As the male variant of the disease is not contagious it will be my recommendation that we keep the proportion of beautiful to ugly by only allowing those men afflicted with the ugly disease into the country.
    National Pest Management will include the shoot on sight for possums. This will be extended to all Australians to make sure that complete coverage is achieved.
    Regional Pest Management will include the newly founded application for internal visa's so that the public in the cities or towns of Huntly, Levin, Gore, Palmerston North and Paraparaumu will not contaminate the gene pool. Other cities and town may be added at later dates upon investigation. Party Members will be exempt from this application process.
    All confirmed cases of the "Troll" disease will be quarantined on the Chatham Islands with only a local Intranet built specifically for research purposes to see if there is any other suitable method of cure other than the current one in the form of a bullet to the brain stem. Party Members will be excluded from becoming research candidates however will be closely scrutinized in quarterly reviews.*

    Broadcasting - MURRAYMANMATE
    Building and Construction - AirSalad (Formerly trackers)
    *-Use asbestos whenever possible (Including ventilation)
    -Everything must be covered with a minimum of 0.1mm of lead paint (Including curtains)
    -If its broken, use superglue. If it is still broken, hit it with a hammer till the problem is solved.
    -Exposed wires will allow easy repair work for future cases.
    -Allow residential/commercial buildings on top of active volcanoes.*

    Civil Defence - Steppenwolf
    *Every man for himself, looters shot on sight.*
    Climate Change Issues
    Commerce - Naykd
    *-Promoting and assisting international trade with countries like China, India and Brazil where businesses here can outsource raw/secondary materials for cheap bucks, do some processing if required, then they export the finished products to Australia and earn large gross margins. "We win, everyone else loses!"
    -Remove green tax from ALL fuel - this will cut fuel prices by a significant margin. Kyoto can GTFO
    -Promoting and rebuild business growth in Christchurch - will work with Mr. |_emon on this one
    -Promoting migrations to the oil and gas rich city of New Plymouth as in the future this will become NZ's very own 'Abu Dhabi'*

    Communications and Information Technology - MURRAYMANMATE
    Community and Voluntary Sector
    Conservation
    Consumer Affairs
    Corrections - Brennos
    *I propose we fence off a rather larger island, like Stewart island for instance, and add some security in boats around it (and some frikken sharks with laser beams). Add 10,000 Cameras around the island, arm the prisoners with knives, tasers, brass knuckes, and shotguns, and charge like "pay per view" to watch " Survivor Stewart Island". And once a month/quarter/year, when the population stops thinning/gets out of hand, hold a "Deathrace" style event, where the winner gets a free pass to some Convict country, like Australia or something. We could then turn the existing prisons into low cost housing for migrant workers we import to build some bad ass roads that Mettler approves.*
    Courts - fatesjester
    *My main policy that i will be pushing is too make every judge a highly paid white man from a well respected family. This will ensure that all cases are fair, especially to the hard working folks of this land.
    Tightening up the court system will be a major issue, and the excuse of "I was just having a hoon" is no longer good enough for rape, because all know bitches be crazy, and you shouldnt of gone near that ram whore.*

    Customs - Stevie
    Defence - Scatter_D
    Disability Issues
    Disarmament and Arms Control - ISavant
    *Guns For Everybody*
    *Unless you're DickCheese.*

    Economic Development - SempY!
    Education - aeth0r
    *- bring back the strap/whip/baton/axe/whatever teacher feels comfortable wielding. encourage use as teaching aid.
    - introduce pack beatings for the worst behaved students. weapons encouraged.
    - encourage use of humiliation tactics. dunce hat. forced to shit pants etc.
    - all course content must have a proven practical application (such as shooting, ****ing, fighting, racing, drug taking etc)
    - no bullshit rubbish food to be sold at schools. students caught eating rubbish food to be dealt with by pack beating squad (see pack beatings)
    - short skirts mandatory
    - no holidays L2RL you little shits
    - labour camps for dumb/lazy students*

    Energy and Resources - Perfect_V
    Environment - TEDcomms
    *As the modern world develops, climate has reached a point where countries struggle to sustain themselves under the pressure of natural disaster and food shortages. Unfortunately, there is not much we can do against a natural disaster of biblical proportions, rather we can only increase the survivability chances of 'kiwis' after the event. Thus i propose to the immigration minister that;
    - Almost all immigration be ceased immediately. New needs to keep it natural resources (food, water etc) for itself, and be able to provide for its citizens in the time of need, without holding the hands of foreigners.
    On top of strict immigration, we need to;
    - heavily fund the installation of solar panels onto everyones homes. decreasing the need to rely on state owned power stations.
    - enforce a petrol restriction to those who are on the benefit. Use them to plant native trees all around NZ. Forced labor etc.
    - Annex all land, owned by foreigners who live outside NZ, so long as the land lies outside of a city's limits. All land will be sold to citizens of NZ or returned to a natural state of NZ bush.
    - fund a branch of the navy the actively hunts all foreign fishing vessels that come within 1000km of NZ, or anywhere between NZ and Scott base in Antarctica. This will ensure NZ always has a good supply of fish.*

    Ethnic Affairs - Happy Campa
    Finance - Quasi ELVIS
    Fisheries and Aquaculture
    Food Safety - Bronzie
    *I'd start by implementing a 3+ meats a day educational programme through out all primary schools as a means of education about food health and safety, how will our children cope without their daily intake of bacon, steak and hotdogs? Brocolli, Brussel sprouts, Cabbage and any other leafy greens will only be available to those with a prescription from a qualified doctor or a note from Mum. (Note: This excludes lettuce, mushrooms, tomato and anything else found on a burger, pizza or sandwich)*
    Foreign Affairs - Galent
    Forestry - Jezza
    *"Plant these seeds EVERYWHERE"
    "What are they?"
    "Don't you worry about that..."
    BREAKING NEWS: MARIJUANA PLANTS SPROUTING UP ALL OVER NEW ZEALAND*

    Health - Mettler
    Housing
    Immigration - T1nman (Formerly Jezza - need to keep those hot chicks coming in brah)
    *- Immigrants of Asian Heritage shall be subjected to a strict Motor Vehicle test before they are to step out of the airport. Assistance from the Transport Minister will be required.
    -All Immigrants being received from South America will be throughly Inspected. Any contraband found on their person will be confiscated and be divided up between all Heads of Government for "research" purposes.
    -Mexican Immigrants will only be allowed in after their gardening skills have been proven to be satisfactory. They must live within 1km of the nearest hardware store parking lot aka place of work.
    -All Australian Immigrants will receive a face tattoo of the 1981 Cricket Underarm Incident upon arrival. These tattoos will also signify that they are second class citizens.*

    Infrastructure - MoxPearl
    Internal Affairs - MURRAYMANMATE
    Justice - -[Prometheus]-
    *- In the Sentencing Act, I will replace the word maximum with minimum. Boy racers will now face a minimum of 5 years jail.
    - Not going to build new jails, just pack the buggers into the current ones. Hopefully fighting and rioting will reduce population by @30% per year
    - Compulsory imprisonment for Greens Party membership*

    Labour
    Land Information
    Local Government - te_chris
    Maori Affairs - Spaniard
    Pacific Island Affairs
    Police - bluelight
    Racing - Autorennen
    Regulatory Reform - DickCheese
    *Regulatory Reform Minister Hon. DickCheese has the power to take any of your Bills to GParliament to change and alter whatever he feel needs to be changed/Altered. Respect my Position or I shall talk(bribe) the Hon. Mancuboss
    into changing any of the laws. You now understand Rodney Hide is a mere mortal compared to me, I even told him to get ****ed once. You're all walking on thin ice. Also I have no idea what Regulatory Reform does but I like the song Regulators. *

    Ministry of Science and Innovation - ISavant (Formerly Research, Science and Technology)
    *- Eliminate ethics boards for research considerations. Want to experiment on prisoners or something? Go for it
    - Develop an agency similar to DARPA, dedicated to the development and rapid deployment of technologies that enable superiority on the battlefield, despite having no military. I guess we'll sell the shit to whoever pays the most.
    - Working nuclear program, both weapons and power.
    - Put a man on Uranus by 2030. Or maybe one of it's moons. Does it have moons? Build moons around Uranus if not.
    - Superfast internet for all!
    Those are the main priorities for the Ministry of Science, Research and Technology, which technically as of today is the Ministry of Science and Innovation.*

    Revenue - bluelight
    Senior Citizens - Shi Tappens
    ** Senior Citizens will have their drivers licences revoked and be required to travel by mobility scooter, bus, train or ferry.
    * Senior Citizens will be required to have their wallets open BEFORE the checkout chick totes up the bill at the supermarket. They will be prohibited from paying with exact change and banned from using coupons.
    * Senior Citizens will be prohibited from calling anyone "dear".
    * Senior Citizens will be banned from demanding kisses from the grandchildren and buying shitty presents.
    *Senior Citizens will be required to walk faster in public places and they will be prohibited from bending down to pickup that ten cent piece they've seen lying on the footpath.
    * Senior Citizens will be banned from talkback radio and may not express their opinion at any time unless it is to agree with Government policy.
    * Senior Citizens requiring mobility scooters will be required to bling them up and fit a turbo. These scooters must be certified and must not be driven after 10pm or with passengers.*

    Social Development and Employment - Lego
    *Deny any new/additional DPB funding if a parent to a newborn child has been on the unemployment benefit or DPB full time for more than a year directly before the child was born. WINZ card replaces cash- if a store sells alcohol or cigarettes to anyone who presents this card they risk being issued with a fine. There will be some less excise tax revenue, sure, but I don't think it would have any noticable impact on the total tax recieved by the government.
    No idea how to deal with the baby boomers, the only thing I can come up with is to raise the retirement age by a year, but I think that would be too unpopular. Don't want to incite yet another leftist riot :\
    However, Kiwisaver will help a little with the costs of new retirees so its not as expensive as it could be.*

    Sport and Recreation - Therk
    *When I am elected Sport and Recreation minister I promise to ban all shitty, boring sports like cricket and promote all awesome sports like football. Every city over the population of 50,000 will be required to have a professional football club. Anybody playing cricket will be shot on sight and the family will be sent a bill for the bullet and manpower used to dispose of their family member. Individuals playing rugby will be tolerated.*
    In addition to that I promise to have my deputy establish a plan to make that pit they call one tree hill into a park.
    Finally all individuals under the age of 18 will also be required to take a compulsary 6 month course on the Swanson pyramid of greatness.*

    State Owned Enterprises - Gromlin
    State Services
    Statistics - bluelight
    Tertiary Education
    Tourism - Rebound
    Trade - Galent
    Transport - Mettler (Formerly heads_up)
    Treaty of Waitangi Negotiations - trackers
    Veterans' Affairs - Afgan Monster
    *As veterans affairs minister I will introduce pensions such that persons exiting the military(after 10 years of service) and other Departments such as SIS have ample pension to support them in their future endeavours tax-free. They will also get what will get a discount card of awesome. ANZAC day will be elevated in status with police cracking down Anti-war protesting on the day of rememberance. I intend raise the profile of the services that return them to the respect level of WW2-era. Oh and women have to flash tits whenever a servicemen requests!*
    Women's Affairs - Phaxy (Formerly Ramza)
    *Bitches be crazy son.*
    Youth Affairs - Thebuffone
    *Flavs*

    Other Responsibilities:

    Archives New Zealand
    Canterbury Earthquake Recovery |_emon
    *- Formation of a prostitute/sex workers union
    - collective bargaining power used to ensure adequate time taken from work to engage in building projects.
    - A "Trade methamphetamine for building supplies" program
    - Inter-disciplinary approach with the Courts, Justice and Law Commission to institute an effective convict labour program.*

    Education Review Office
    Government Communications Security Bureau
    International Climate Change Negotiations TEDcomms (Director)
    Law Commission - Quasi ELVIS (Chairman)
    Ministerial Services
    National Library
    New Zealand Security Intelligence Service - Merovin (Director)
    Rugby World Cup - BrockaLee (Director)
    Small Business
    Whanau Ora
    John D. Rockefeller award for philanthropic wanks

  10. Post
    #10
    I'll take the Tourism Portfolio!

  11. Post
    #11
    Dibs on research, science and technology!

  12. Post
    #12
    Shotgun Women's Affairs.

  13. Post
    #13
    Dibs on general lobbyist.

  14. Post
    #14
    DAMN YOU RAM-ZA

    Give me Energy and Resources, and Environment to go with my actual degree

    THIS JUST IN GLOBAL WARMING IS A LIE!!!

  15. Post
    #15
    I'll be minister of women's affairs.

    My annual report will consist of:


    - Latest bitches who be crazy
    - Pics of hot girls

  16. Post
    #16
    Shotgun being a non-voting dole bludger! Sick of working and paying my taxes!

  17. Post
    #17
    Oh wait, can I have SIS too? I know that's traditionally the PM's job, but I reckon **** that.

  18. Post
    #18
    I want customs

  19. Post
    #19
    I'll take Tourism, Trade and Foreign Affairs. Catch up NZ.

  20. Post
    #20
    I will be in charge of the "Jew Gold".

  21. Post
    #21
    It seems we have contention between 2 members over portfolios. Ramza and Phaxy.

    This is what Phaxy brings to the table.

    Phaxy wrote:
    - Latest bitches who be crazy
    - Pics of hot girls
    Ramza?
    John D. Rockefeller award for philanthropic wanks

  22. Post
    #22
    I'll take Building and Construction for the under the table kickbacks

  23. Post
    #23
    I'll take Senior Citizens out the back and euthanise them

  24. Post
    #24
    apricotear wrote:
    Start Shotgunning portfolios... I will have Maori Affairs for the lolz...

    Index of Portfolios:

    ACC
    Agriculture
    Arts Culture and Heritage
    Attorney-General
    Biosecurity
    Broadcasting
    Building and Construction
    Civil Defence
    Climate Change Issues
    Commerce
    Communications and Information Technology
    Community and Voluntary Sector
    Conservation
    Consumer Affairs
    Corrections
    Courts
    Customs
    Defence
    Disability Issues
    Disarmament and Arms Control
    Economic Development
    Education
    Energy and Resources
    Environment
    Ethnic Affairs
    Finance
    Fisheries and Aquaculture
    Food Safety
    Foreign Affairs
    Forestry
    Health
    Housing
    Immigration
    Infrastructure
    Internal Affairs
    Justice
    Labour
    Land Information
    Local Government
    Maori Affairs
    Pacific Island Affairs
    Police
    Racing
    Regulatory Reform
    Research, Science and Technology
    Revenue
    Senior Citizens
    Social Development and Employment
    Sport and Recreation
    State Owned Enterprises
    State Services
    Statistics
    Tertiary Education
    Tourism
    Trade
    Transport
    Treaty of Waitangi Negotiations
    Veterans' Affairs
    Women's Affairs
    Youth Affairs

    Other Responsibilities:

    Archives New Zealand
    Canterbury Earthquake Recovery
    Education Review Office
    Government Communications Security Bureau
    International Climate Change Negotiations
    Law Commission
    Ministerial Services
    National Library
    New Zealand Security Intelligence Service
    Rugby World Cup
    Small Business
    Whanau Ora
    I'll have womens affairs sorted



  25. Post
    #25
    Regulatory Reform.


    This will be my answer phone song.